What´s that smell?
by Zandrah
Summary: What would happen if the Fellowship appeared to the modern times and to London?Something very chaotic and funny I think...Does Pippin get a chance to taste the english beer?
1. Default Chapter

"What´s that smell?"  
  
Disclaimer: When I read Ditzcat´s grrreat story "Is it a Hunt Cat Day, or what?", I had an idea. What would happen if the Fellowship of the Ring would appear to the modern times (I´m not sure do they say it like that) and our world. It would be very.hmm.chaotic. (didn´t find a better word to describe it.) I´m sorry about the (several) writing errors, I hope you understand at least the half. So, with my cousin´s help, I´ve written this:  
  
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"You.cannot.pass!" Gandalf shouted at Balrog on the bridge of Khazad Dum.  
  
They were fighting and suddenly Balrog got a magnificient idea. "Hey! Sauron taught me a spell which I could try on you." Balrog opened his big firy mouth to say: "Támä Ôn hássü tharína Já sïlti shinae luët tätá!"  
  
When Balrog finished, the whole Fellowship started to spin around (just like Kylie Minogue).They were kind of sucked in to a dark narrow tube. They whirled and whirled, it felt like lasting for ages.  
  
"I´m hungry," Pippin complained. And at that moment they appeared on to a toilet (of course they didn´t know that).  
  
"What´s that smell?" Merry asked turning up his nose.  
  
"Oh, this is diiiisgusting!!! I want to get away from here! Quick!" Legolas screamed. His shriek was so high that it broke the glass of the toilet window.  
  
"You saved us! Oh thank you, Legolas!" Gimli said greatfully. "Now we can climb out of the window."  
  
Gandalf coughed loudly. "Actually it was me who broke that window," he said. "I broke it with my break-glass-without-a-staff-spell."  
  
Nobody wanted to start arguing with the wise old wizard, so they stayed quiet. Aragorn and Boromir had started to observe the little room. They found a little cupboard and opened it.  
  
"Hey everybody, there is some kind of little bottles inside!" Aragorn said.  
  
"Can we eat them?" Pippin asked hungry.  
  
Boromir took one bottle in his hand, smelled it and said: "I don´t think so."  
  
Legolas turned with anger towards Aragorn. "Hey, Ara, please shut the cupboard door. I can´t see my face in the mirror." Aragorn did what was told and Legolas started to admire his own reflection in the mirror. "Oh, how beautiful I am! It´s been a long time, dear!" he said stroking his long blond hair.  
  
Sam said something not-so-nice to Frodo about that narsistic Elf and Frodo couldn´t hold the laugh. Gimli was laughing up his sleeve and Gandalf, Boromir and Aragorn were trying to look as serious as possible.  
  
"I´m sorry to interrupt you, but could we please go? We are starving!" Merry said. Pippin nodded for confirm.  
  
"Oh, yes, good for you to mention it. We can climb out of that window which I broke, as Gimli said. Climbing was my idea, of course, Gimli just said it before I did." Gandalf said a little bit arrogantly.  
  
"Yeah, right," Sam said quietly.  
  
Aragorn went to the window and looked down. "I don´t think we can just climb down."  
  
"What do you mean we can´t? Of course we can! Just put our legs out and-" Legolas stopped when he saw the drop. "Oh, Valar, this is very high!"  
  
Gandalf came there too. "Wow, this is like Barad-dûr! Even more higher!" he shouted and everybody wanted to see the drop. They were in some of those high houses, in someone´s flat, but of course they didn´t know it.  
  
"Auch, you´re standing on my toes!" Pippin shouted. "Am I? Well you´re pulling my beard!" said Gimli´s voice. "Gandalf, Boromir just took my ring!" Frodo cried. "Let go off my beautiful hair, will you!" Legolas shouted to Sam.  
  
They were all arguing like brats, when suddenly the door was opened and somebody came in.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ So, that was the first chapter in my little story. I´m sorry if somebody got hurt. But I´ve done this with humour, so you must read it like that. I don´t really hate Legolas, Gandalf or anyone, it´s just the point in my story to make all the characters stupid or funny. What did you like? All ideas and comments are welcomed. Please, rewiew. 


	2. 2

The whole Fellowship stopped arguing as they heard the toilet door creaking. The incomer was a young woman who started to stare the Fellowship with great surprise. I don´t blame her, undoubtedly they looked a bit of funny (and strange) in the tiny toilet room. The Fellowship stared her as well, especially Aragorn who started to act like an Italian gigolo every time he saw a pretty woman, and lifted his right eyebrow flirting. "What is so beautiful lady like you doing in a messy room like this?"  
  
Boromir coughed loudly. "Excuse me, Aragorn, but have you forgotten Lady Arwen? Remember, the one you used to love?!"  
  
"Yes, I DO remember her! Take care of your own business! You´re just jealous, because the woman of your life is still your mother! Ha!" Aragorn said angrily and raised his voice at the end.  
  
"Auch, that was veeery bad!" Sam said to Frodo. Boromir didn´t say a word. (Maybe Aragorn was right, but I think that Boromir was more a Casanova than mama´s boy.) Gandalf was inspecting a toothbrush very closely and interested.  
  
The woman glanced coldly at Aragorn. "Excuse me, but this is MY home and MY toilet! So I would like to ask you, what are YOU doing here?"  
  
Gandalf stopped his investigations and said: I don´t know - yet - how did we appear here, and I´m very sorry for that. I am Galdalf the Grey from Middle-Earth."  
  
"I am Boromir from Gondor," Boromir said staring angrily at Aragorn.  
  
"I´m Samwise Gamgee and this is Frodo Baggins," Sam said pointing Frodo. "And these little pranksters are Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregring Took." "You can call me Pippin. This Frodo here is my second cousin, once removed on his Mother´s side," Pippin said eagerly (just like he always does).  
  
Legolas took his eyes off the mirror he had been looking and said: "I am Legolas Greenleaf, the Prince of Mirkwood Elves. Nice to meet you."  
  
"I am Gimli, son of Gloín," Gimli said.  
  
"And I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn," Aragorn said and took the woman´s hand to kiss it. Woman pulled it away and shouted: "Hey, Mark, there´s some guys from your LARP group in our toilet!"  
  
After that they heard a man´s voice shouting: "Do you know who they are, Sara?" "Don´t know, but there is two men, an old grandpa, a dwarf, four children and a woman," Sara shouted back.  
  
"Hey, I´m not a woman!" Legolas shouted. "And what is that Larp? Is he some king?" Aragorn asked quietly.  
  
"I don´t know them, maybe they have messed with houses," Mark said then.  
  
Sara turned towards Gandalf. "I don´t know who you are, what you´re doing here, and why, but would you please get lost that I can go pee?!"  
  
"Oh that room was for that! So that´s way that smell." Merry said.  
  
"We well get lost if you tell us how we´ll get out?" said Gandalf.  
  
`Oh God, what freaks are they!´ Sara thought but she just said: "You can take a lift to the first floor."  
  
"Yes, we are already going!" Gandalf said. He didn´t really know what the lift is, (of course, because they don´t have lifts in Middle- Earth), but didn´t want to seem stupid.  
  
They went from the toilet door, through the living-room and out to the stairway. After closing the door Boromir asked: "How do we know what the `lift` is?" "Maybe it´s something to eat. I´m starving!" Pippin said accompanied by his stomach growling.  
  
Gandalf was going to say something when suddenly they saw the lift coming up and an old lady came out. "Oh boys, it´s not a Halloween yet! And how lovely little princess!" she said smiling.  
  
"I´m not a princess, I´m the Prince!" Legolas tried to explain but the lady didn´t hear.  
  
"Maybe this is the `lift`?" Gandalf said. "Come in everyone!"  
  
They went in and managed to get down (after pressing the buttons about twenty times). They all stepped to the ground and started to walk to their own directions.  
  
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I didn´t like this chapter very much, but I hope you liked. Where would you like Frodo goes? And what about Gimli? I haven´t decided that yet. Please rewiew! I´ll promise that the other chapters will be better! Legolas-fans, don´t kill me, please, I´m too young to die now. :) 


	3. 3

Thanks for rewiews, dear people! It´s always so nice and rewarding to get them! I don´t know how to thank you. Or maybe i´ll better just to write than talk all the time!  
  
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Everybody had walked a while when they suddenly realized that they didn´t even know where they were, not talking about where they were going. Like their common decision they all turned around and walked to Gandalf. Aragorn opened his mouth first. "Where do we actually are, can you tell us Gandalf?"  
  
Gandalf didn´t know. Even if he was a wise wizard he wasn´t very wise without his old books and parchments. That was the thing he didn´t want to admit to himself. Especially to the others. So he just said (and that sounded very wise): "The time or place doesn´t matter, all that matters is what you do, and how." Gandalf was very satisfied about that sentence. He had a great imagination and made those `wisdoms´ up when he was sitting in a spar or had just time and nothing to do. And then he just spoke them at the right moment. Very clever, I think.  
  
"So, you won´t tell us?" Boromir asked.  
  
Gandalf looked at him. "No, that you´ll have to find out yourself," he said and started to walk away before they would understand that he did not know. "We will meet again, but now we´ll have to go where our heart says. Farewell to you all!" he shouted and wawed his staff.  
  
Frodo paniced. "Wait, Gandalf, you can´t leave us now!" he shouted to Gandalf´s back.  
  
Sam tried to calm him: "Mr. Frodo! Mr. Frodo, he cannot hear you. Let´s do like Gandalf told us to do. I will come with you. Come on!"  
  
"And I´m coming with you too. I will protect you Frodo, like I promised in Rivendell," Aragorn said and walked to Sam and Frodo.  
  
Pippin rubbed his stomach. "I am still hungry. We haven´t had our second breakfast yet."  
  
"And I´d like to have a cold ale. Let´s go and see if we could find a little pub or nice inn," Merry said.  
  
"Can I come with you? I´m a bit thirsty too, and an ale would be so good," Gimli said and joined to Merry´s and Pippin´s company.  
  
Legolas stroked his hair. "I´d need to get my hair cutted. They are in a bad condition."  
  
"Go and cut your balls off at the same time (if they´re still there)," Boromir said quietly and made everybody except Legolas laugh.  
  
"What?" Legolas asked. Obviously (and luckily) he hadn´t hear.  
  
"I just said that I´ll come with you," Boromir answered quickly.  
  
Aragorn, Sam and Frodo were making a leaving and Aragorn said: "I hope we all will meet again. But now, I must say farewell to all! Until our next meeting!"  
  
"And I wish you good luck, whatever you do!" Sam said wawed his hand for goodbye.  
  
Sam, Frodo and Aragorn leaved. Merry, Pippin and Gimli started to walk to other direction. Legolas walked fast and Boromir tried to stay in his speed forming "Help me!" sentences with his mouth making no sound.  
  
"So where should we go then?" Aragorn asked the hobbits.  
  
Sam thought a while and said then: "I think that at first we should find out where we are."  
  
Aragorn nodded. "You´re right. I think that the best way is to ask about it." And after that he walked to two nice-looking women who were sitting on a bench and talking together. "Good evening, misses. Could you please help me?" he said with that gigolo-look on his face.  
  
The other woman looked at him and asked: "Sure, we can help. What kind of help do you need?"  
  
Aragorn smiled at her. "Well, THEY don´t know," he pointed his finger to Sam and Frodo. "where we are, so could you tell them? What land? What planet?" he continued.  
  
"Of course, I can help those cute little kids. We´re on planet Earth, in London! And what are you doing tonight?" the woman said.  
  
Sam decided to intrude this. "He´ll be with us, milady. And now we must go!" he said and walked to Aragorn. "Come on!" Aragorn was a little bit angry to Sam. "Do you always have to mess up with my things!?"  
  
"No, only when somebody´s in danger," Sam said smiling and made Frodo laugh.  
  
"And you.you just laugh at me! I´ve had enough! I´m out of here! For now on you must survive on yourselves! Goodbye!" Aragorn shouted and got away.  
  
Frodo and Sam were a little surprised. "What was that? I´ve never seen Aragorn so angry," Frodo said after a short silence.  
  
"Neither do I. Maybe there snapped something in his head," Sam said rolling a finger next to his head. "Let´s go!" And they started to walk together determinatelly towards their destination, which they did not know - at least not yet.  
  
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Finally I got this ready! I´m sorry that it took so long. It´s because of school. The teachers don´t understand that we´ve got our own lives too, not only school! But I´ll try to write a bit faster. Read and rewiew, so I can make the story better. 


	4. 4

I´m back, finally! I´ve been in a great hurry so haven´t had time to write, unfortunately. Again, school is the reason. And the other story I´ve been writing. Go and check it, it´s in the Moulin Rouge category.* *commercial break :) Is it allowed to advertise own stories? I hope so. -The One Who Hasn´t Read The Rules Of This Page- And I´m sorry if the places of London are wrong. I´m not a Londoner and haven´t ever been there, as you´ll probably notice, sooner or later. As you can see, the LOTR- characters (which I DON`T own!) speak and understand English. It´s so much easier like that, otherwise it would be too complicated. Yesterday I saw The Two Towers! Oh my, I wanna see it again! Gollum was great! But I think that Arwen was too much... ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
I think you were wondering where did Gandalf go? Well, at first he hadn´t any kind of a plan. He was just wandering around the city, sitting on the uncomfortable benches, feeding the cute citybirds (he thought so, not me!) and watching the people passing by. He had no idea where he was, but at least he weren´t in Middle-Earth. `I wish I would take my books with me! But the leaving was so quick, and I had no time to pack anything. Luckily my staff is here!´ he thought and kissed his staff. "And my h-... but hey, where is my hat?!" he almost shouted. That was the worst thing what would happen to Gandalf. He´s dear hat was lost! "Piipula, where are you?" he cryed. As you can see, he called his hat as a Piipula. Without hat he had no self-respect. He was and had nothing without his hat, he thought.  
  
He was just beginning to cry, when an old and dirty wino sat next to him. Gandalf decided to pull himself together. "H-have you seen my hat?" he asked, still sobbing.  
  
The old man looked at Gandalf, eyes standing. "Your hat?" he said thoughtfully and eyebrows knitted.  
  
"You know, the one you put on your head," Gandalf said and showed with his hand.  
  
"I know what the hat is!" the wino said angrily. "What does it look like, that hat?"  
  
"It is high and grey," Gandalf said through teary eyes.  
  
"I´ve seen one..." the man started. Gandalf looked hopeful. "It was, yeah, it was in your head!" man continued.  
  
Gandalf got depressed. `I should have known. I´ve treated my little Piipula- poor so bad lately! Now he decided to escape! Oh me!´ He started to cry.  
  
"No, don´t cry. Your hat will be found. Take this," the wino said and offered his flask to Gandalf.  
  
Gandalf took it and drank. But the drink was so bad that he splitted it out.  
  
"I see you haven´t got used to drinks like this," the man said laughing.  
  
The man was right, but (as you know Gandalf) he did not want to admit it, so he just changed the subject: "Where would I find the wizards of your world?" Gandalf was always enthusiastic to meet other wizards. That gave him an opportunity to compare their and his magic power, spells and staffs and to boast with his own (and to stole some tricks from them, which he would use like his own.) ´Maybe they could help me with this hat- problem,´he thought.  
  
The old man thought that the man sitting next to him was crazy but nice old fellow and didn´t want to hurt him. So he just said: "I think there´s some kind of an magic show in the Globe-hall. Try there." Gandalf looked amazed, so the wino clarifyed: "You´ll get there by bus, the next leaves after fifteen minutes from there," he pointed the bus stop.  
  
Gandalf stood up, said: "Thank you, old friend. I will remember you, as long as my name is Gandlaf the Grey!" and started to walk vigorously towards the bus stop.  
  
Gandalf had no idea what "the bus" could be, but (as you still know him) was too proud to ask it. Actually he is too proud to ask anything from no-one, and that always causes him problems when he is blowing things in the National Wizard Meeting in Mirkwood, because he didn´t want to ask how to make the solution. And now you will say, that: "He asked help from the old wino!" Well, you´re right, but we don´t count it because Gandalf was so desperate at the moment.  
  
So, Gandlaf just walked around until it was the time that the bus was leaving. Gandalf followed a few old ladies to a red-coloured bus and went to sit to the front of the buss. `Nice. This is so much better than horse: you don´t have to dirty your cape and there is even a roof in case of rain!´ he thought. The bus started and it started moving. `Wow, this moves by itself! And how comfortable these seats are, my ass is always numb of sitting on the saddle. I could get used to this!´  
  
Gandalf almost fell asleep, when the bus stopped. "The first stop," a low man´s voice said. "And in the right you can see the Buckingham´s palace." Gandalf didn´t know what it was, of course, but the `palace´ sounded fine. He looked at the right and saw a high fence and behind it a big, high, brown-brick building. Gandalf was disappointed.  
  
"So, this is it?! How miserable! Rivendell and Lothlórien are much bigger, more beautyful and greater! Even their outhouses are more impressive!" he said and got plenty of angry and surprised looks from the bus.  
  
Gandalf looked again at the building. `So miserable,´ he thought and saw a man wearing dark-coloured clothes walking beside the fence. `That man there looks very familiar. Is it Aragorn? But he has no cape and he´s hair are combed back, like Legolas´s hair. It can´t be Aragorn, he says that Legolas is like a lady, he wouldn´t comb he´s hair like Legolas does!´ Gandalf pondered.  
  
The bus began to move again and after a while it stopped. "The Globe," a man´s voice announced. The rest of the passengers stood up and walked to the door, Gandalf following them. When he got to the door, the driver said: "Excuse me, mister, but can I have your payment?"  
  
"Oh, I´ll have to pay for you? Let´s see, if I have any coins in my pocket...Oh yes, there is one golden coin. Is this enough?" Gandalf asked.  
  
The driver looked at the coin greedily. "Yes, it´s fine!"  
  
Gandalf walked out and saw a huge building. "That´s what I call a palace!" And he walked inside the building which had written in a lighted letters: "The Globe- magic show tonight! See David Copperfield!"  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Finally I got this ready! I hope you haven´t bored been waiting. And this Globe´s outfit is only my imagination, I´ve never seen it. And I´m sorry, if someone got angry about those Buckingham-comments. (It was Gandalf, not me! Save me! He´s going there! I can still see his staff * points to the left *) 


	5. 5

We´ll meet again! First I´d like to thank you for your rewiews. Thank you! And second, (for the 100th time), I´d like to say that all your ideas are welcomed. So if you want that Boromir, for instance, goes to see the musical or Madame Tussaud´s, say so. (Maybe that wouldn´t be so exciting, maybe would.) I haven´t decided everyone´s destination yet. And, please, correct my mistakes. I make lots of them, because I´m Finnish and speak (surprise surprise:) Finnish! It´s very far away from English if you´ve ever seen or heard it. Ok, I´ve muttered enough, here´s the story.  
  
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The place was really big and high. There was so dusky that it was hard for Gandalf to see forward. He walked a while groping the floor with his stuff, when he suddenly stumbled to his cape. ("It wasn´t my cape, there was some kind of an OBSTACLE in my way!") Shouts, like "What a h-?" "Dammit!" and "Who has put something to my way?! Saruman, that isn´t funny anymore!!" were heard in darkness from Gandalf´s direction.  
  
Gandalf shouted then at the top of his lungs: "If that´s the best you can manage, Saruman, then let me laugh! The snow avalanche was nothing and this even more pathetic! Try to think up something better!" He stayed quiet a short moment and cried then with tired voice: "Oh, my back! I think my leg is broken. Come on and help the poor old wizard!"  
  
Yeah, like they hadn´t heard him shouting with anger. Gandalf was a good actor, he cheated people with his old man´s appearance in Middle-Earth. Only his closest friends, like Frodo, Aragorn and the others, knew that his looks told nothing. He even was the secret of "The Wizard Organization of Middle-Earth", TWOME´s wealthyness. He had the honor to be the treasurer of TWOME. That included collecting money (or begging would be better word) from men, elves, dwarves and hobbits. He went sitting to some good place, asked: "Can you give few coins to an old man?" and reached his hand. Sometimes he even wore sun glasses like he´d be blind. They got lots of money like that, because who would say no to an poor man?  
  
Now I think you are thinking that why Gandalf? All the wizards look very old, anybody could beg money in a crossroads! Yes, you´re right but Gandalf was the best actor of them. Only he could beg money and look believable. "I was the natural selection," Gandalf would say modestly.  
  
So, Gandalf was lying on the floor waving his hands around and calling for help. Two men saw him and run to help him. "Are you all right?" the other of them asked when they were helping Gandalf up.  
  
"No, I´m not!" Gandalf said angrily. "So, where are all the wizards? I´d like to meet them immediately!"  
  
The men looked a bit confused. "Wizards? I think you mean the magicians?" the other one of them asked.  
  
Gandalf waved his hand and sighed. "Oh, whatever you call them! But could you PLEASE tell me where I could find them?" Gandalf asked irritably. "And would you tell me where is the loo?" he asked a bit embarassed. Poor Gandalf. The bus drive had completely messed his stomach up. It is quite different compared to horse ride, and if you haven´t ever gone so fast, it can be really scary.  
  
"Of course. You can find the magicians from the stage, it´s behind the corner. And the loo is over there," the younger man said pointing with his finger.  
  
Gandalf shouted his thank yous and started runnig towards the loo door. When he was washing his hands ("Wow, there´s an automatic handwasher!") a little accident happened: the pressure of the water faucet was bigger than Gandalf expected and it wetted Gandalf. "Great, now everyone thinks that I´ve pissed in my pants!"  
  
So, after a quick drying with hand papers Gandalf walked to the stage. There were few magicians and one of them was doing the classic sawing- trick. When Gandalf saw that the magician was going to "split" the woman, he run there and shouted: "Oh my, that crazy man is going to kill you!" Gandalf tried to free the assistant from the box.  
  
"What are you doing?" magician shouted very angry. "Are you trying to ruin my trick?!"  
  
"No...but...the woman was...," Gandalf mumbled. "He- he was going to kill her!" he shouted loud.  
  
The magician laughed. "Well, if you are a magician, as I suppose by your clothing, you should know the old sewing-trick!"  
  
"In my world we dont pursue this kind of tricks," Gandalf said. "I´m into mind controlling tricks and have never heard about that trick."  
  
The sawing-magician whispered to other´s ear: "What a magician! I wonder what kind of a quack he is!" But he just said: "Could you show your tricks to us? I think that everyone would like to see them?" Everybody nodded for confirm.  
  
Gandalf was flattered about that honour. He tried to seem hesitant, though he really was very enthusiastic to show them "one spectacular magnificent trick". But as you still know Gandalf, he didn´t want to seem too eager, he wanted to be "cool".  
  
Gandalf rolled up his sleeves and started with concentration. He cleared his throat and spoke the spell: "Khitos ettá olët lûkenût tatá tharinna näïn pitkâlê!" and waved his stuff.  
  
Suddenly the assistant of the sewing-trick magician screamed. Magician´s trousers were slipped down and everybody saw his boxers and started laughing. Magician´s face turned red and he yelled: "Stop laughing all of you!! And you...you are just a stupid old prankster! I´ll go now! Goodbye!" After that he marched off the stage.  
  
Gandalf was pleased about that trick. His tricks didn´t always work so good, but that managed excellent! Some of the other magicians came next to Gandalf. "That was good! I haven´t laugh like that in a long time! He deserved it. To be honest, nobody here likes him. He´s so haughty," he said and patted Gandalf´s back. "My name is David and you are..?"  
  
"I am Gandalf the Grey," Gandalf said and shook hands with David.  
  
"We are having a magic show tonight and because he left..." David said refered to the embarrased magician. "...I thought that could you come and fill him?"  
  
"Hmmm," Gandalf pondered. "I think I could. But only if don´t have to do that killing-trick!" he exclaimed emphatically.  
  
David laughed. "No, you don´t have to. The show starts after an hour and you´ll better get ready!"  
  
Gandalf now remembered the reason why he at all came here. "Hey... I was just wondering... Have you seen my hat? It´s high and grey," he said and showed with his hands.  
  
David looked dumbfounded. "Your hat? No I haven´t."  
  
Gandalf was dissapointed. What kind of wizards were they, if they even couldn´t help him? Impostors, just them! Gandalf missed his Piipula a lot, he hadn´t ever been so long time apart Piipula. Well, except when Piipula was taking a bath in its little bathtub and after bath was drying. He was feeling miserable but he just said: "Ok, where do I go to get ready?"  
  
David showed Gandalf the room and Gandalf started to brush his beard and powder his nose.  
  
When he was ready he walked behind the stage where the emcee was speaking: "Welcome ladies and gentlemen! At first we have a special guest. Gandalf the Grey, the master of mind! Welcome!"  
  
Gandalf climed to the stage accompanyed by loud applauses. "Thank you, thank you! It´s so nice to be there! I´d would need a volunteer to my first trick. You, mister, in the front row! Yes, come here!" Gandalf said.  
  
The volunteer was a very appreciated (and rich) count from Scotland. He looked a bit surprised but walked to the stage. Gandalf shook hands with him and told the count what he would have to do: "Sit here and wait." Gandalf showed the chair.  
  
The count got to the chair and Gandalf spoke the spell: "Khitos vïela kërrán!"  
  
Count sat eyes glazed. "Now do as I say," Gandalf said. "Jump up and down like rabbit!" Count started to jump. A buzz swept the stands. A security guy ran to the stage and said to Gandalf: "Now you´ve gone too far. I´ll call the police."  
  
"What?! I thought you wanted good tricks! The audience loves good tricks! I require an explanation!" Gandalf shouted when the security guy dragged him off the stage.  
  
After a while a police car arrived and screaming and struggling Gandalf was taken away.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ That was a long chapter at last. What did you like? And I´d like to apologize J.R.R. Tolkien for making his fantastic characters so -er- stupid. I don´t hate Gandalf or Legolas, I love them all, but this is just a strange story... So I hope you´ll understand. 


	6. 6

Thanks to rewiewers! You are very important, without you I wouldn´t have the power to go on. And there wouldn´t be no sense to carry on. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
The sun was getting down, when Merry, Pippin and Gimli finally had enough strength to go on. They had walked about 200 meters from their starting place, and then decided (well, Gimli had) to rest a while (which means that they slept a while on the bench).  
  
"I´m out of shape now, but usually we dwarves are natural sprinters. I´ve won lots of sprint competitions when I was younger. All the trophys are on the mantel piece. You can come and check, if you want," Gimli said when Merry and Pippin made fun with Gimli´s bad shape.  
  
"Ok, we got it! But can we go now and find a place where we could have something to eat. I´m starving!" Pippin asked.  
  
"Yes... but what is there in my helmet? Coins?" Gimli wondered.  
  
"Are they golden ones?" Pippin asked eagerly. Apparently, when they had slept, somebody had threw money to them thinking that they were beggars. Gimli always takes his helmet away when he sleeps. "It lasts longer, if it can have some fresh air sometimes." Gimli´s helmet was almost as dear as Gandalf´s Piipula is for Gandalf.  
  
Merry took one of them in his hand. "No, and not even silver! And there´s a woman´s picture in it. I wonder if they are worth of nothing."  
  
"So it´s goodbye for dinner then!" Pippin said dramatically.  
  
Gimli laughed. "Don´t be too hasty. I think we should even try? Let´s see if there´s a pub or something else."  
  
The shorty trio started walking. First, very quickly, but after a few hundred meters their "feet decided to take an own break". Gimili had settled on the bench very comfortably and was almost asleep, when he heard a high shriek.  
  
"Gimli, help, they´re trying to kill us!" Merry and Pippin had walked on the motor road and were now surrounded by tooting cars.  
  
"Eek! Do something, Gimli!" Pippin shouted and ran around wawing his hands like a mad. He tried to weawe between numerous cars. Merry was standing paralyzed. His face was very pale. "The iron monsters are chasing us," he murmured. Suddenly a red car drove towards Merry, but stopped just before crashing to him.  
  
Gimli saw this and rushed to the hobbits. He shouted: "I´m coming, hold on!" and jumped on the cars just like Tom Cruise in Minority Report. But unfortunately his foot slipped and he fell. Luckily on his stomach and that gave him a little softening.  
  
The driver of the red car opened his car door and came out. He looked frightened. "Oh no, are you ok? That must hurt!"  
  
Gimli growled something and stood up. "I´m fine. Thanks to Aulë, we dwarves have a very thick skin and we don´t get hurt easily. And not to mention, that we are beasts in running. And our handsome looks! That´s - "  
  
"Pippin! Pippin is dead! The monster ate him!" Merry shouted in panic. "Oh no, what will I do?!"  
  
Gimli tried to calm him down. "Don´t panic. What happened?"  
  
Merry started crying. "He was standing right there," Merry sobbed and showed the place. "and then that- thing just ate him! Oh, my best friend is dead!"  
  
The door of the car which had "eaten" Pippin was opened and a rich-looking man came out. "I am so sorry. I couldn´t see your friend, because he´s, yhym, was so small," he said apologetically.  
  
"He´s Sauron´s minion from Mordor!" Merry said eyes wide. "Oh Pippin, if you would know how good friend you were..."  
  
"But I do know," a frail voice was heard under the car. "I know it Merry. And I´m ok, the monster isn´t dangerous." Gimli and Merry peeked where the voice was heard. Pippin was lying between the tires and smiled. "That was great! Do you wanna try too, Merry?"  
  
Merry was so reliefed and happy that he could only cry and hug Pippin. "You´re not dead! I thought you were going to leave me here alone!"  
  
Pippin rose his eyebrow. "I would never do it! You´re my very best friend and my dearest cousin!" he said and hugged Merry.  
  
That was too sentimental for even Gimli, who never cried (except when a dwarf cut his beard off, but that´s another thing...). Now he was bawling like I, when I´m watching the end of the ´Fellowship of the Ring´, and blowed his nose to the "overdriver´s" sleeve. "Oh, that´s so cute!" he said with a woman-voice, but got serious when he realized that everybody was staring at him.  
  
"What?! I got something to my eye, that´s all!" he shouted angrily. Gimli´s imago was a macho, unemotional, "a real man" and crying didn´t involve to his imago. "That´s what women do," he often said, "and elfs too," he continued and got Legolas angry. In Gimli´s opinion, he-elfs really aren´t men. "They wear those ridiculous costumes and their hair is always braided (so girlish!), and all women scream they´re sososo pretty and everything!!" (A little jealousy, I think...) If an elf defended himself by saying : "But your beard is braided!", Gimli answered: "That´s a different thing! Girls don´t usually wear braided beards!"  
  
"Yeah, that´s what you always do," Merry said teasing. Gimli was like he wouldn´t have heard, cleared his throat and said: "Ok, I think you have hugged enough, let´s go!" Gimli started to march to the other side of the road, Merry and Pippin after him. Traffic had stopped because of the Pippin- episody, and they got there safely.  
  
"Let´s see, where we could find a nice little pub.." Gimli said looking around. "What about that?" Merry said pointing left, where he saw a vocal party of five men coming out from a little pub. Their step staggered a bit and they were singing loudly The village people. "The beer must be very good, because they´ve drunk it so much..." Merry laughed.  
  
Gimli rubbed his beard and nodded. "Ok, let´s go there then!"  
  
The pub was just like the English pubs always are: small, brown tables and chairs and light-coloured walls, cozy. Gimli and hobbits stepped in like in an old western-film (imagine: Gimli takes a bit arrogant look around the place, Merry after him strokes his curly hair and Pippin taps his stomach and smacks his lips, all slowed down) and sat in front of the bar desk. "Give me your biggest pint of your best ale!" Gimli said to the bartender.  
  
"Me too! And me! And something to eat too!" Merry and Pippin shouted.  
  
The bartender looked at them a little surprised but started then to run beer. Gimli got his pint but Merry and Pippin got only cokes (but of course they didn´t know it). "This ale tastes weird. Can I have another one, please," Merry said after tasting his coke.  
  
"No serving for children," the bartender laughed, "that´s the strongest you´ll get."  
  
"But, mister, we´re not children," Pippin said his mouth full of tuna- sandwich.  
  
"And soon you are going to claim that you are hobbits from Middle-Earth!" bartender said joking and made everybody, except Merry and Pippin, in front of the desk laugh.  
  
"Yes, indeed! And we are VERY thirsty now, so could we please have our pints?!" Pippin said between his teeth.  
  
People just continued their laughing. "I wouldn´t have even wanted to drink there. Come on, Pip, let´s find a better place," Merry said as loud as possible. "Are you coming with us, Gimli?" he asked from the door.  
  
"I think I´ll have another one," Gimli said. He had laughed with the people, even when he didn´t know why they were laughing. "You can wait outside when the real mans are drinking bear," he continued and started guffaw.  
  
"Ok, then we´ll find better company too! Farewell!" Merry said and tossed the door close.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ This chapter really took time! I hope it was worth it... 


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